"These are the freaky tales, the freaky tales that I tell so well." Spoken by the great Too $hort. After more than a year and half of not playing into the bullshit that ends up in our inbox from straying partners, liberated women, and just about every kind of person in between, we dug back into your "Freaky Tales" submitted over that time. The ones featured below are a snapshot of what could have been featured but we decided to spare you. Enjoy fuckers!!
Candace, 42:
For me, cruises are a combination of booze, excellent food, spa, and gym. This cruise is the first I‘m doing with my bestie and not with hubby. This means that I am free to fuck around (at least thats my conclusion lol). So today, I went to the gym, a lot of food means a lot of possible gains as well. Most of the guys were too old or with their significant other… but I spotted a handsome guy, around 10 years younger than me, a bit taller, and nice arms. I noticed him checking me out and smiled at him. I approached him, he told me that he is doing this cruise with his father as a birthday present to his 60th birthday. Well, long story short, he told me to come by his cabin after a shower and I did. I told my bestie the number of the cabin (just in case), put on a summer dress, and knocked. He opened with just a towel around his waist, showing off some gorgeous muscles. We went to the balcony (I loved that bc I just got an inside cabin) and I snatched away his towel. His dick didn‘t compare to some of the others I've had but still was average, which is fine for me. I fell on my knees, put my hair up, and showed him my tits. I started sucking his balls and worked my way up his shaft, circling my tongue around the tip. Without hesitation, I took his whole cock until I couldn‘t breathe anymore. A few more strokes of my tits around his dick and he was already going crazy. He grabbed my hair and pulled my head towards his throbbing cock. It didn't take him too much longer to explode and I felt the warm cum in my mouth. I heard the clicking of the door and knew what that meant. I quickly covered my tits up, wiped away some of his cum, and got up. I went inside and smiled at the older man who looked rather irritated. I decided that that‘s a conversation I don‘t want to be part of and left, ready to tell my bestie everything!
Editor's Note: Any man reading this is going to loooooove you. When men think of women going on girl's trips, this is their worst nightmare.
Ashlynn, 32:
This is not the wildest story I have but it's still hilarious. So my fwb is an artist and he does realism art or something like that. Basically, he likes to draw people in the middle of doing something. I said as a joke "Draw a pic of me sucking your dick." He laughed at first, but I could tell he really wanted to try it out.
So I unzipped his jeans and put his soft cock in my mouth. He put a canvas on the wall and looked down at me while drawing. Every time he was about to cum, I would pull away, because I knew he had to finish the drawing.
That’s team work in my eyes…
Editor's Note: Ladies & gentleman, that's what we call a muse.
Lisa, 28:
At my first job when I was 20, I was a waitress at a restaurant and it was a shitty job. Low pay and low tips. I decided to show a bit more of my body because men are simple creatures. Part of that was me deciding to go no bra to show my pierced nips through my tops and get better tips (hopefully!).
One time a guy who was always making comments came in. He was mid 30s and very fat. He would look at me, tell me I looked nice, and that he's a big fan of pierced nips. One time, when he was done and paid, he asked how much of a tip I wanted and I said whatever you want to give. He was like "are there extra services for good tips?" as a joke and I just replied dryly "I don't know, don't think so". So he said "that's a shame, I wanted to tip $150". I was thinking like DAMN i needed money for a vacation and thought it was a easy money. I told him to come to the men's bathroom a minute after I go. If I got caught, I would say I was cleaning it.
I definitely didn't wanna suck his dick or anything cause he was greasy and sweaty. But since he was obsessed with my nipples, I let him play with them. He took off my top and he instantly got hard. He put his hands on my boobs, started touching them, then pinched my nips a bit, and started sucking on them. I let him suck on them for like five minutes. This whole time he was dry humping my thighs. I thanked him for the tip and being 18, to me that was easy money.
Editor's Note: Ahhh the shit we do for money when we are young, poor, and working the shittiest jobs in America is great isn't it?
Mackenzie, 23:
I was playing at a Magic the Gathering tournament, and it was a preliminary round, winning meant advancing. So i was playing against this guy who I saw at the hotel the last couple days. We briefly interacted but nothing serious. Well, he won the first game, I was about to win the second. There was a bit of tension going on, and so yea... we agreed on him letting me win and in return he'd get to fuck me after we were done for the day. It's been about 2 years and we've been dating since.
Editor's Note: This is a fun story to tell the grandkids. "Gather kids. Let me tell you how me and your grandmother met. Any of you ever hear of Magic The Gathering?"
Freaky Tales pt. 6 cumming soon. -Mick
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